Well life is okay. I work at Chipotle now so that it is less stress. I don't really have any responsibilities that are manager like so I am happy. I love most of the people I work with because they make me laugh even when I am pissed off.
I. Want. To. Go. Back. To. School. This is how bored I am. I want people. I want new people. I want to date for crying out loud! I feel that I am stuck in between an old chapter and a new one. I want the new one to start already. My best friend is pregnant and moving out with her boyfriend. My other close friend is moving to Michigan to attend a graduate school there. I feel like I'm being left behind at Sinclair. I want to move on with my life.
Both of my friends have boyfriends and that just sucks for me. I can't join them in the group dating thing because I don't have anyone to bring along. I ponder sometimes if it is because I'm ugly that guys don't want to date me or if I'm just too shy that I don't let them get to know me. I am kind of picky with what I want in a guy. He has to be smart, funny, tall...like 6'+, like me for who I am, be family/friend approved, and I want him to mean something to me. I can't ever find that perfect guy. I've tried online and good god that hasn't work. The guys at work think of me as more of a friend than dating material. Even though there is really only one eligible tall guy at my work and I'm not sure if he isn't gay or not. Plus he is younger than me...I don't like younger guys so much. *Sighs* I know I'm more than likely too picky, but I can't help it that much. I just wonder if I should just give up on guys or what. I know I'm only 20 years old and that I have many years to go before I am past my prime, but it is weird with both of my best friends being in such stable relationships and me just going from blind date to blind date. I'm sorry, but my friends and co-workers try to set me up with weird guys that are their friends and we don't have anything in common with each other. It also doesn't help that I am very nervous around guys. I say stupid stuff, sputter, and I'm just a mess when going on a date with a guy. I don't think you should have to feel like you are going to throw up when you go out with them now should you? I was going to date a guy in the navy...yeah I'm not attracted to him in that way. I'm sorry, but there should be chemistry or some kind of spark...but there isn't any. Plus he's going to be away for a while and I want a real relationship. The kind where we hang out at each others houses, watch movies, play together, and other things that normal relationships entail. I've never really had a normal relationship besides Nathan and that lasted for about 2 or 3 months maybe if I'm lucky. Meh I'm beginning to miss him and wonder if I just didn't try hard enough. I don't know, he had a lot of debt, didn't have a job, and wasn't looking for one either. I think he was just going to be a bum for the rest of his life. That wouldn't have worked out for either of us. I don't want to have to support the guy for the rest of my life. I want us to be both working. Maybe I might take time off to take care of the kids when they are younger, but I don't want to be a stay at home wife. I would go crazy. Oh well.
I'm taking 5 different classes this quarter so maybe I'll meet some new people this quarter. Doubt it, but we shall see. :)
Well that was my rant. I haven't posted in a while so I figured I should give it a try. I may post here more often just to make sure that my typing skills are up to par with what they should be. Meh type later. :-D
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